Log #6

Hey you,

after two failed blog entry, here I am with my 3rd attempt to write the entry N.6. The other 2 failed because after a few lines it all became <depressionmaxxing>, because I was depressed maybe still am even though just a bit, though, there has been enormous improvement in this regard so I just wanted to share this a bit.

Fe and Ferritin (those bastards)

The last 7-8 months have been quite hard for me mentally, but the last few months -especially December, January, February, and March- was on a different level. Not comparable. I had many episodes of crying, whenever I was left alone, doesn't matter where, I was starting to cry. I was vulnerable as fuck. I was overthinking everything that everyone had said and always had this brain fog. I could not concentrate could not read anything, I couldn't even play a video game or watch a simple 20mins episode from any sitcom or so. My daily routines in those months had been just watching the ceiling, crying and seriously considering committing suicide. I visited my mom in Turkey late January, and by a total coincidence I took a blood test. Calling this coincidence because my mom was actually doing it, that day I just wanted to accompany her to the clinic, and since I was there already, I also thought about taking a blood test as there would be nothing to lose for me. Anyway, turns out I was severely deficient in iron. Both in iron itself and the protein, which iron is stored as, called ferritin. Initially I did not pay close attention to this; they had prescribed some iron supplements for me, which I also didn't care about back then. After like a month or so (the first week of March), I came across this YouTube video of Prof. Celal Şengör, where he mocks psychologists for not being actual doctors or scientists even :D. There he just refers to an experience he had with psychologists during a period of his life where he was having everything hard as well. All these talks that you start from your childhood or whatever did not work with him and even bothered him to some extent, as he claims that he felt like he was the one curing them and not the other way around. Afterwards, he goes to a psychiatrist instead, and the first thing they ask for is a blood test. Turns out he was deficient in Li; he gets a prescription, and the problem is solved relatively quickly. After listening to this, I realized maybe I had a similar case as well. I checked my blood test results again and then did some research, eventually finding out that iron deficiency is very closely related to depression and brain fog. I really did not know this but also when I think about it, that does make so much sense. Oxygen in the body is carried through with iron because oxygen oxidizes iron, so it binds to iron; therefore, iron is acting as a carrier. So if you are iron deficient, your organs -especially the brain!!!!!- are not getting enough oxygen. Right after that I started taking some iron supplements, but ferritin in the body increases rather slowly. With the dosage I am taking and considering the ferritin levels I had, it was supposed to take a month for me to start feeling it slowly. I am almost one month through with it, and all the problems vanished out of nowhere. I am less dependent to people; I don't have a brain fog; I stopped all the crying; I am no longer considering killing myself in a miserable way; I can enjoy doing some activities. I am not saying everything is perfect right now; I still have ups and downs, but each up and down is relatively higher than the previous ups and downs. Each week I feel better and so on. The reason why I wanted to dedicate this blog entry to this topic is that sometimes the problem is not psychological but rather physical. The last couple of months were catastrophic in the sense of responsibilities as well. I was always showing up to the uni and do my lab work etc., but now I realized that I had no problems with regular attendance only because I did not want to be alone. Whenever I was alone, I was starting to cry and overthink abuot literally everything. Even in the lab, when there was no one else in the lab working other than me, I would start overthinking again and have watery eyes. My whole mood was dependent on the replies I would receive from other people, how people behave around me and so on. Anyway, while I could do regular attendance, I could not study regularly; therefore, I failed an exam even. Usually I have no problems in this regard; I am disciplined and so on but I really couldn't find my way through it. During these previous months, I also lost a lot of weight because I could not even eat properly. Now I am better at keeping up with this and washing the dishes and cleaning the apartment as well (which I have to do frequently because I am allergic to dust mites).

Iron deficiency, with or without anemia, is strongly associated with an increased risk of depression, anxiety, and fatigue, particularly in young adults and females. Iron is crucial for producing dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine—neurotransmitters that regulate mood. Treating iron deficiency can help improve or resolve associated depressive symptoms.

Was that the only thing I had a deficiency in? Of course not! I was also deficient in vitamin B9, and surprise surprise, this is the motherfucker mostly responsible for serotonin, the so-called happiness. hormone. So my whole brain chemistry was fucked up as you can imagine. I also started taking B9 for sure.

For ferritin, the reference interval that the clinic has provided me is between 30-400µg/L, mine was 24µg/L. One of my friends mocked me by telling me that I should skip the supplements and start eating iron ingots instead.

My folate (B9) level was 3.40µg/L, meanwhile the reference interval is between 3.89 and 26.8 µg/L. At least everything other than these were fine, at least.

Long story short: do blood tests regularly.

MEME OF THE DAY